Aphasia: ‘I Couldn’t Speak and I was Terrified’ By Brian LeBlanc

Published April 23, 2021 by zuzusays

A Bit of Brian's Brilliance

A Bit of Brian’s BrillianceAlzheimer’s March 17, 2021

I woke up Saturday morning just like any other day. Maureen, was up before me, of course, as she moves like a cheetah, completely opposite of me as I move like a sloth. I just take my sweet time.

The gentle waves of Tampa Bay just outside our bedroom window glistened in the morning sunlight. So relaxing and peaceful, a wonderful way to wake up and prepare my mind for the daily grind of functioning and remembering. I said something briefly to Maureen, although being a bit foggy, I can’t remember what it was.

I finally sat up and tried to say something, and … NOTHING. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. I had my inner monologue. I could mouth words. They were right there on the tip of my tongue. But nothing. Silence. Pure silence. Frightening silence. Another attack of…

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The Revolution will be complete when the language is perfect.

Published February 11, 2021 by zuzusays

I don’t “Like” this. But it IS now the United States of America. Few would have known it in 2009 but it’s blatant now. Marxism is winning and freedom, so precious, may soon be lost.

The Floating Library

“Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it. Every concept that can ever be needed will be expressed by exactly one word, with its meaning rigidly defined and all its subsidiary meanings rubbed out and forgotten. Already, in the Eleventh Edition, we’re not far from that point. But the process will still be continuing long after you and I are dead. Every year fewer and fewer words, and the range of consciousness always a little smaller. Even now, there’s no reason or excuse for committing thoughtcrime. It’s merely a question of self-discipline, reality-control. The Revolution will be complete when the language is perfect. Newspeak is Ingsoc and Ingsoc is Newspeak,” he added with a sort of mystical satisfaction.

— George Orwell, 1984

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Conjuring Leonard Cohen

Published December 13, 2020 by zuzusays

“So I come here and write about art and music. The life of the mind. Matters of the sublime. I can barely get through my hygiene routine, and have trouble chewing and swallowing a meal, become confused transferring different foods in containers onto a plate and heating it in the microwave, but hey, I can still appreciate beauty, and can still use spell check.”

Suddenly Mad

Leonard Cohen exhibit (drawing of Caarin)Portrait of Caarin – September 2019

I am no good alone anymore. I was so much better than this. I could do this alone and I could do this with you. I miss me. I miss you. I miss who we were. (for Wayne)


So glad that Caarin took me to see the Leonard Cohen exhibit at the Jewish Museum. The exhibit which closes Sunday, September 8, is titled, A Crack in Everything. The title comes from a verse in one of his poems.

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That’s how the light gets in

I take that literally. To give credence to what I can share, and describe the  experience of pushing myself through the eye of the needle, and threading my words in some kind of order.

Leonard Cohen was a very lucky…

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The unbelievable story of Caarin showing up…

Published December 13, 2020 by zuzusays

The reasons we are kept around to live life are often a mystery.

Suddenly Mad

Suddenly Mad- Michael and Sara drawing 8 monthsSuddenly Mad- The Unbelievable Story of Caarin showing up (drawing of Sara and Michael at 9 months)I haven’t disappeared yet! I can still draw and write, although my motivation and ability to share has been tempered by a tumultuous month. I’ve been full of worry and woe, and haven’t wanted to share my personal life. Walking is far more difficult now, and I rarely go out alone now. I can still walk about a mile and half, but my gait is unbalanced. I ask my husband to hold my arm during our daily walks.

I can still access my computer, although just an hour ago, I opened my laptop and the screen was black, although it had been charging and I thought it was going to be fully charged. I called in a panic to my husband who was sleeping upstairs, and the poor guy came downstairs to help me. He held down the start button, and lo and behold, got this old laptop to start…

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Published December 13, 2020 by zuzusays

Mina still writes and paints.

Suddenly Mad

When everything is said and done

When the carrot has been eaten off the bone

When the friends have not only forgotten me

But I am no longer even a figment of their imagination

Then you will come in my room as you do

Take my hands and bring me up – standing

Looking into your eyes, the only land left

For both of us, each others eyes

Memories haunt

The children, our son and daughter

No longer children. Solid but fragile

We have abandoned them through no fault of our own

Time. Disease. Change.

From the beginning to the end. The mutated middle. Decline with peaks and gullies.

The peaks flattening into hills, eroding. The gullies filling with sand.

You used to call me Woman of the Dunes. How strangely prophetic.

Only you knew me

What a gift, my prince.

You are.

Fragments remain. The layout of the house…

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“An Abundance of Caution” – my new favorite phrase to hate

Published March 16, 2020 by zuzusays

Thank you for reposting this. If people follow the same preventative policies they should follow if they are caring for family members in a nursing home during a flu outbreak they’ll be safe, generally. With good hand washing and hygiene practices, most of us will not be affected by this outbreak and this will just be a drill for the case of a zombie attack.

Sunlight Shining Through Cloud

Life in the age of Coronavirus. News addicts like me are dangerously close to overdose. Entities of every stripe are rejiggering their operational models. And each will publish a press release that includes the phrase: …out of an abundance of caution…

To me, the phrase suggests that “we don’t really need to be this cautious, but we are anyway because we deeply care about you, our customers, clients, employees, etc.” They could, of course, truthify the wording to read: …our stakeholders (or, more specifically, shareholders).

The current reality is proving, though, that we really do need to be this cautious.

About ten years ago, I wrote an essay about a bacterium called MRSA. It was widely appreciated at the time, and seems to be holding its water still today – particularly the recommendations for prevention. MRSA is not coronavirus; think of the main text, below, as the alarmist attention-getting part…

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Emma Nielsen – Mind your ‘C’s and ‘S’s: The Language of Self-harm and Suicide (and why it matters)

Published March 6, 2019 by zuzusays

Thank you for this information.

IMH Blog (Nottingham)

We all say things that we don’t mean sometimes. Perhaps the time that you snapped at the end of a long day or said that deliberately hurtful comment in the heat of an argument. Sometimes these instances are easily recognisable (perhaps easily apologised for). However, often our language conveys more subtle messages as well. Even everyday expressions may carry connotations we have not considered and speak to ideas we don’t condone. The words we use when we talk about self-harm and suicide show just that; while our language can convey compassion, provide hope, empowerment and optimism, we can also unwittingly express messages that divide and stigmatise.


I’m definitely guilty of this – while I may not like to admit it, my undergraduate notes are littered with phrases that now make me uneasy. Far from meaning to be impertinent, I was passionate about battling the silence and taboo surrounding mental health…

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New Year – New You – New Me

Published March 2, 2019 by zuzusays

Chad Shipley

This is a tribute to all of you who are in the ring, in the FIRE, battling violently against self doubt, against worthless opposition, drama, and sideline loud mouths.

I hate bullies and I despise critics. I envy those who face the fire and put it all on the line, regardless of outcome. Success is in the process and putting in the work.

It’s in the pushups, not the 6 pack.

I’ve spent the last two weeks in self doubt, worrying about the views and vantage points of those that don’t matter.

Then I remembered MY JOURNEY.

1 year ago I decided to started down a physical journey.


Deep down inside, we all want vitality.

And we all want to blaze our own paths….to build our own roads.

To control our own DESTINY.

I decided to destroy the DAD BOD and to do…

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